HOW TO HEAL FROM YOUR ORDEAL

HOW TO HEAL FROM YOUR ORDEAL

A woman who just discovered that her husband
cheated on her for many years recently asked me a
great question.

She said, 'My husband apologized 100 times,
stopped his affair, and is committed to being a
new man. I see he's changed. But wouldn't I be
better off divorcing him and starting fresh with
someone new?'

I can understand her point of view.

Right now in her marriage there's so much pain,
baggage, and a mountain of hurt to heal. The same
is probably true in your marriage, whether the
issue is infidelity or something else.

Is it possible to come back once the trust is
broken? Can you heal from your ordeal?

Doesn't it make sense to just start over with
someone else?

Maybe not.

Most victims of infidelity (and other emotional
hardships) believe that they'll be safer in a
relationship with someone who never cheated on
them or hurt them. I completely understand this
FEELING. However, the OPPOSITE might be true.

In the case of the woman above, it appears that
her husband really changed. And I've seen many
people transform themselves after getting the 'I
want a divorce' wake up call. Unless her husband
is a pathological liar or a sex addict, he's LESS
LIKELY to make the same mistake again compared to
someone whose track record is clean. In other
words, once a spouse learns their lesson, they're
LESS vulnerable to make the same mistake than
someone who's never erred in that way before.

According to a 1998 survey by researchers at the
University of Chicago, about 25 percent of married
men and 17 percent of married women in the United
States ADMIT to having been unfaithful. The noted
author Shirley Glass' research suggests it is
probably closer to 25 percent of women and 40 to
50 percent of men! That means, according to author
and researcher Shirley Glass, that starting from
scratch gives the woman above a 50% chance of
finding another husband who will be faithful.

Now let me ask you. At this point in
this woman's husband's life, given all he's been
through and learned, what are the chances that
he'll screw up again? If this woman gave him
another chance, what's the likelihood that he'd
make the same mistake that almost caused him to
lose his family years before? In my opinion, it's
dramatically less than 50%. In fact, I think it's
slim to none.

Let me clarify that I'm talking in this case about
a man who truly transformed himself and succeeded
to prove that he's changed. I'm NOT talking about
someone who continually makes empty promises.

If this woman were to leave her husband, I think
Las Vegas would give her LOWER odds that this sort
of thing would never happen to her again.

Here lies an unfortunate irony. People wait years
and years for their spouse to wake up and change
their ways. Then when they finally do it, they're
told it's too late.

I understand why someone would feel, after being
cheated on, for example, that 'it's too late.' But
the fact of the matter is that they're about to
walk away from a person who is FINALLY prepared to
be a wonderful loving spouse.

In my experience, it's these people, people who
have made serious mistakes, people who have had
the harshest wake up calls, who become the BEST
spouses and are capable, more than anyone else, of
forging the MOST fulfilling relationships.

Do you see the irony here?

It's the mistakes that ruin relationships that
transform the sinners into people capable of the
most outstanding relationships. The unfortunate
thing for the victim is that they don't know how
to heal from the hurt that would enable them to
reap the benefit of their ordeal.

So the roles become reversed. The person who was
ruining the relationship stands ready to transform
it; while the person who wanted to work on the
relationship all along becomes the cog in the
wheel that inhibits true love.

In other words, the woman above has a choice. If
she lets her husband go, he'll most likely fall in
love with another woman and treat her like a
queen. He'll be the husband to his new wife that
the woman above always wanted him to be to her.
I've seen it happen too often. Some lucky woman
owes a poor victim a debt of gratitude. But this
woman has another option. She could forgive her
husband and become that lucky woman!

The question is: how do you heal from your ordeal?
How do you forgive? How do you get to the
head-space where you're able to give your spouse
another chance. If you want the answers to these
questions and others, subscribe to my FREE report,
“7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my
FREE marriage assessment. Go to this URL
for your no cost subscription:

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Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach